“I know where my anger comes from. Pain and disapproval. My natural response to pain, to the vast majority of it, isn’t depression, or to cry, complain, or cringe in a corner. I become angry and aggressive. Emotionally, I fight rather than flee. The pain comes from imprisonment, prison and pre-prison, and severe unfulfillment. The disapproval comes from my old and constant awareness of the beloved wickedness of people around me. Until I can run free, and find my place in this world, I suspect I will continue suffering anger and unhappiness. And, to the best of my recollection, all of the horrible things I’ve ever done were out of anger. Then, of course, once I’m too tired to be angry, the depression sets in. A vicious cycle, semi-stable → angry → depressed → recharge, start over. Horrible quality life. But ’tis, and was, my life. When did the anger start? As far back as I can remember. The depression? When I hit puberty and started becoming a man, around age 11.”

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