“So why am I floundering, seemingly alone and unable to carry on? It’s pretty simple – I hate the world I live in. I care about people and want the best for them. I want them to be happy, have fulfilled lives, but this world is not this way. For this, I am deeply saddened and the pain turns to anger. I try to carry the weight of the world, something only God can carry. Will God help me be him, have his power? No, of course not. My only peace lies in death. I should have died at birth…but man intervened with his medical advances… I should have killed myself a long time ago, but man intervened with his medications. I should have died…but, again; medical advances prevented that. I don’t belong in this world… I have a soul which loves and cares too much for a man to endure. Because I love, I also hate. Out of those comes incredible pain. Can God help? Yes. Will he? I don’t know. I’m confident I don’t belong in this world, and God’s creation did its job in trying to deliver me, but man did his part to ruin things. Can I be sure God doesn’t have a larger purpose for me? No. So, I intend to stick around as long as I can, even though, honestly, I’m in so much pain I don’t want to be in this world. I want to go home to be with God where evil and suffering do not exist. I’m in a tough spot…I really am.”

(NOTE: Please read “1.16.17 – 4 days before suicide”)

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